Key Insights from Pema Chödrön on Non-Negotiable Compassion
In a thoughtful conversation with 10% Happier host Dan Harris, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön shared profound insights about compassion and navigating difficult relationships. We also learn about the beloved spiritual teacher’s concept of “non-negotiable compassion”. Here are the main takeaways:
The Bodhisattva Vow
- Chödrön describes this as her personal “non-negotiable” – a commitment to putting others’ needs before one’s own
- The vow involves working on oneself to better serve others
- It’s not about being a doormat, but developing genuine care while maintaining boundaries
Dealing with Difficult People
- Instead of reacting, practice staying present and really listening
- Focus on feeling what you’re feeling in your body rather than getting caught in mental stories
- Use breathing as a tool to stay grounded when triggered
- Look for the “basic goodness” in others, even when it’s challenging
Anger vs. Hatred
- Anger can be appropriate, while hatred is not beneficial
- The goal isn’t to eliminate emotions but to work with them skillfully
- Having a sense of humor about our failures is essential
Personal Growth
- Change is possible – our brains and habits are malleable
- Setting daily intentions helps, but don’t beat yourself up when you fall short
- Working on yourself benefits others, creating a positive cycle
The conversation between the 2 luminaries highlighted that compassion isn’t just idealistic thinking – it’s a practical approach to creating positive change, both personally and societally. As Chödrön notes, it’s about bringing out the best in ourselves and others, rather than the worst.
It ought to be something we can all get behind.